Isabella McNutt ’27 is a history and government double major, and she is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She loves traveling, basketball and music. Email her at immcnutt@wm.edu.
The views expressed in the article are the author’s own.
Arriving at the College of William and Mary almost two years ago, I assumed I had roommate life down. After all, I’d shared a room with my little sister for years — how different could it be?
But I can confidently say that living with someone in college is a crash course in communication, compromise and patience. You’re not just sharing a room, you’re sharing routines, moods, pet peeves and the occasional passive-aggressive silence.
And no, I don’t have it all figured out. But I’ve learned enough to know what not to do if you want to avoid turning your shared living situation into a passive-aggressive nightmare.
The biggest rookie mistake? Thinking your roommate can read your mind. They can’t. Not when you want the room quiet, not when you’re bringing six friends over for a “chill hang” and definitely not when you’re silently seething about the passive-aggressive way they stack the dishwasher (or don’t).
Clear, open communication isn’t just helpful, it’s survival. Want the lights off by midnight? Say so. Hate the thermostat set to “arctic tundra”? Speak up. The “we’ll figure it out as we go” strategy sounds carefree until you’re three weeks in, plotting their downfall over an unspoken grudge about chore duty.
Yes, these conversations can be awkward. But trust me, nothing is more awkward than silently resenting someone because you never clarified whether “cleaning the bathroom” includes the floor, the mirror or just good vibes.
The beauty (and chaos) of college life is that 4,000 people show up with different lifestyles and, somehow, we’re all expected to make it work. Some roommates wake up at 6 a.m. Others don’t sleep until 6 a.m. When you’re in a tiny room together, those differences show up fast. That’s why compromise isn’t optional — it’s essential. Wear headphones instead of blasting music. Dim the lights when they’re asleep. Save your marathon FaceTime call for when they’re not racing a midnight deadline. It sounds simple. Obvious, even. But living with someone teaches you just how different people really are, and how far a few small adjustments can go.
Here’s the truth: there’s no such thing as the perfect roommate. I’ve made my share of mistakes: forgetting to clean, not communicating clearly and letting frustrations simmer. But what really matters is owning your missteps. Apologize, learn and adjust. The worst thing you can do is pretend everything’s fine. Resentment doesn’t stay quiet forever. It usually explodes over something ridiculous, like whether the window is open or closed.
Talk things out. Be direct, calm and respectful. It might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s a lot better than stewing in silence.
Living with someone else will teach you as much about yourself as it does about them. You’ll learn to be more self-aware, more patient and more communicative. I’m not the perfect roommate, and I probably never will be, but every new living situation has made me a better communicator, a better listener and, frankly, a more tolerable human to share a space with.
So, no, I haven’t cracked the code on flawless cohabitation. But I’m learning. Maybe by year three, I’ll have a system down pat. Or maybe I’ll just keep growing and, honestly, that’s probably the point.
In the meantime, here’s to the ongoing, imperfect and very real art of not driving your roommate crazy.
