Campus Golf’s Tee Timeline
6:00 a.m. Your caddy hits the snooze button on her alarm — five more minutes of sleep couldn’t hurt anyone.
6:15 a.m. Your caddy’s roommate physically pulls your caddy out of bed.
7:00 a.m. Your caddy rolls up to Wawa, eager to stock up on snacks for the day.
7:07 a.m.As he rings your caddy up, a Wawa employee gives your caddy a once-over, wondering why she is wearing several layers of beads and has several shamrock temporary tattoos on her face.
7:15 a.m. Your caddy rushes to Tyler Hall, the home base for the day, to make roll call and to grab food before it is devoured by the hoard of hungry caddies.
7:30 a.m. Your caddy receives her schedule for the day. She wonders how the team #getweird will be dressed.
8:00 a.m. The first teams get ready to tee off. Your caddy almost misses her first team’s tee time because she is caught up serenading another caddy to the tune of the Backstreet Boys song that is blaring down the Sunken Garden.
8:48 a.m.A team runs down the Sunken Garden, dressed as characters from Monty Python’s Holy Grail — coconuts included.
11:20 a.m. A team of masked animals loiters near the tent at the far end of the Sunken Garden. The monkey in lederhosen particularly scares your caddy.
11:30 a.m. A girl dressed as Olaf from Frozen tells your caddy how much she likes warm hugs and proceeds to hug your caddy.
12:00 p.m.The team your caddy is currently caddying for is almost overtaken by pirates, complete with a pirate ship.
12:55 p.m. Your caddy demolishes two pieces of pizza in Tyler Hall while she tests out which Instagram filter looks best with this year’s orange Campus Golf shirts.
1:45 p.m. Your caddy accompanies a team of close friends quietly around the course. They take a few pictures, exchange fewer words, and complete the course in record time.
2:20 p.m. Your caddy tries to contain a rowdy team of gentlemen. They only make it three holes into the course before half the team decides to leave, their attention drawn elsewhere.
3:00 p.m.A golf club is spotted flying through the air near James Blair Hall. Luckily, the thrower of said club has terrible aim and no injuries are sustained.
3:15 p.m. Your caddy still has two more teams to caddy. She wonders how this is possible.
3:52 p.m. Team #getweird shows up and, thankfully, they aren’t that weird. They are dressed as the characters from Clueless and find that throwing the balls is more effective than using the golf club.
4:30 p.m. Your caddy’s ankles feel heavy. Actually, her everything feels heavy.
5:00 p.m. Your caddy has finished caddying and starts cleaning up.
6:00 p.m.Your caddy demands to be taken to get Mexican food. Her friends oblige.
7:00 p.m. Your caddy takes the longest shower of her life.
8:00 p.m.Your caddy falls asleep to the noise of Gossip Girl on Netflix. She sleeps like a rock and dreams of all the good Campus Golf has done for Prevent Child Abuse America and Avalon.