Behind Closed Doors: Wrapping up the great condom debate

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February 5, 2015

11:17 PM

I am a firm believer that sex can be extremely fun and exciting. I am also a big fan of consensual sex, and to be honest, nothing makes me more excited than sex that is both safe and consensual. I know that as college students we’ve probably all had the “safe sex talk” from a parent, health teacher, etc, but that’s not going to stop me from switching into mom-mode and sitting you down to have a little chat about the importance of being sexually safe.

I’m not your mother or your doctor, so why should I be lecturing you, dear reader, about the risks of unprotected sex? I truly think that safe sex should be everyone’s priority. As someone who has bought pregnancy tests for her friends, I’ve seen that unprotected sex can lead to a lot of stress, even if it doesn’t lead to pregnancy. Keeping yourself sexually healthy by practicing safe sex is just as important as any other kind of health.

I think we can all agree that at this point, the phrase “no glove, no love” has been a bit overused. However, this isn’t to say that the meaning behind the phrase isn’t incredibly important. Although not every person having unprotected sex will get pregnant and die (“Mean Girls,” anyone?), there are a lot of unsavory consequences to “hitting it raw.” Practicing safe sex ensures that both you and your partner are doing your best to steer clear of any sexually transmitted diseases or infections. As college students, I know we don’t want to have to worry about having herpes or chlamydia on top of all the other extremely important things we have on our plates, like getting floor tickets to see Ludacris on Charter Day.

Although babies are incredibly cute, you can easily get your fill of adorableness by walking around Colonial Williamsburg during peak tourist season.

In addition to condoms, any form of birth control will help to prevent your output of babies. Although babies are incredibly cute, you can easily get your fill of adorableness by walking around Colonial Williamsburg during peak tourist season. And while I am not a mathematician, I’m pretty sure that a pack of condoms costs considerably less than the total number of diapers a child uses during their infancy.

You might be reading this and thinking to yourself, “But Mom — I mean Mallory — where will I acquire a form a birth control to practice safe sex?” If this statement describes you, I encourage you to open your eyes and see with utmost clarity the ways our campus makes it incredibly easy to practice safe sex. For example, do you need a condom? You can pick up condoms from the FISH Bowl in the Campus Center, members of HOPE, or VOX when they table at the Sadler Center. Pro tip: The wonderful ladies and gents of VOX have incredibly fun polka-dotted and colored condoms for the times you want to get sexy with a little added style. Even if you’re not a fan of the free condoms offered around campus, Wawa is only a hop, skip and a jump away. And this, my friend, is only the beginning; there are so many other wondrous forms of birth control out there. I may not be a doctor, but I know that with the help of one, finding forms of birth control can be incredibly easy.

Before I bring my safe sex lecture to its conclusion, I would like to add in one last classic mom anecdote. I once had a friend tell me that providing condoms was not her responsibility; she felt that since condoms are made to fit the male genitalia, they were the ones who had to buy or provide the condoms. The moral of this story? Safe sex is everyone’s responsibility. If you’re looking to get lucky, carry some condoms with you. Sex is so much more fun without the looming fear of contracting gonorrhea afterwards.

Mallory W. is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who has never gotten a STD from the good ole’ bathtub porn hand combo.

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