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Behind Closed Doors: Oral sex is not limited to blowjobs

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September 8, 2015

1:55 AM

I love oral sex. Now, I know we’ve talked about oral sex in this column before, but that article was geared more towards blowjobs, specifically referring to giving oral sex to a penis. I have very little expertise in the area of blowjobs. I do have quite a bit of experience, however, when it comes to oral sex involving vaginas.

For some reason, when we talk about oral sex, we spend a lot of time focusing on penises, and not so much on vaginas. I also think that, generally, a lot more penises receive oral sex than vaginas do. That is really such a shame. As a vagina owner, I can tell you oral sex feels fantastic. So why don’t we focus a little more on spreading some more love with our tongues?

It is my belief that many people have a fear of the vagina, or at least a misconception about what is pleasurable for a vagina-owning individual. Fun fact: the vagina is not the only thing you can stimulate to make someone with a vagina squirm with pleasure. There is a very important body part so often neglected that is a key player in oral sex: the clitoris. To be honest, in my experience, the vagina itself plays a very small role in oral sex. The clitoris is the real star of the show. It is an epicenter of pleasure, containing somewhere around 8,000 nerve endings, and the visible part of it is about the size of a pea. The non-visible part runs through the labia, which also tend to feature more prominently in oral sex than the vagina.

To be honest, in my experience, the vagina itself plays a very small role in oral sex.

Here’s another tip: the term “vulva” is an all-encompassing term for the the vagina and surrounding areas, which includes the clitoris and labia. It is a way more useful term than “vagina,” at least when we’re talking about oral sex. When giving oral sex, your tongue and lips are playing around the vulva, not so much inside the vagina.

I felt I should explain all of this because of that element of fear I mentioned earlier. I’ve heard the vagina described before as a “dark, moist and scary cave.” As a proud vagina owner, that description almost offends me. My vagina is beautiful and warm. Yes, admittedly it is dark and wet, but it is also soft and inviting. As for the wetness, that makes it smooth and yielding instead of rough and resisting. It also helps to keep it clean. So there is no reason to fear the wetness. There is no reason to fear the vagina, unless vaginas just aren’t for you (speaking as a person who finds no appeal in penises, I can completely understand that). If you enjoy penetrating a vagina, however, chances are that if you are willing to embrace it, you will find that you enjoy going down on one, too.

Let me remind you again, though, when going down on a vulva, you are going down on a vulva, not sticking your head into a vagina. The vulva isn’t dark or scary. In fact, it has been compared by many to truly beautiful things, like flowers (think Georgia O’Keefe).

If that is not enough to convince you that going down is a great idea, think about just how much pleasure you can give the vulva owner you go down on. Quite frankly, that is the best part about oral sex, at least for me. From down below, you are in a perfect position to watch your partner squirm because of how good you are making them feel. Personally, that makes me feel incredible. I want my partner to shudder uncontrollably because it just feels so fantastic. If I can do that just with my tongue and lips, I am more than happy to use them.

Katelyn R. is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who owns a very welcoming vagina.

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  • Katelyn R.