Gossip Girl: Like Romeo and Juliet, but with designer clothing

Ohmygawd ohymygawd. I don’t think TV has made me this emotional since — well, since the Video Music Awards Sunday when Taylor Lautner went onstage and Kanye upped his douche factor by ten-fold. But really, the season premiere of “Gossip Girl” was something else entirely.

Firstly, I noticed that Gossip Girl herself backed down on the whole “Big Brother” act. It would have been a bit extraneous anyway, considering how actions would have towered over words, especially when it comes to my favorite couple since Ross and Rachel. In this episode, Blair and Chuck somehow managed to be just as cute as Ross and Rachel, minus all the innocence. I love how Blair and Chuck’s idea of adding excitement to their relationship is an elaborate scheme involving hot girls being naturally drawn to Chuck, and Blair unleashing a very classy can of whoop-ass on said hotties. Other couples would have just gone with fuzzy handcuffs.

Serena was eerily reminiscent of Lindsay Lohan minus the drugs and general ick factor. Well, she was reminiscent to Lohan in the sense that she was a paparazzo’s dream come true, forced wardrobe malfunction and all. You have to love that moment when she attempts to get away from the suddenly sexy Carter Baizen by alerting the paparazzi as she unties her dress’s straps and cries out “Oh no!” with as much acting prowess as a soap opera star. I do approve of her latest boytoy, though. That Carter is quite yummy now — heck, he even chases after her when she takes off on a horse, then comforts her about her estranged father. And then they bang in a forest! Now that’s true love.

Nate was the usual dreamboat. This time, he gets entangled with Bree Buckley, who just happens to be from a rival political family. It’s like “Romeo and Juliet,” only helicopters, Ferraris, and designer clothing are involved. Also, they’re not underage like R&J. Oh, and did I mention what a creeper Nate’s grandfather is? After visibly pretending to give consent to Nate dating Bree, he calls up Nate’s obnoxious cousin Tripp to devise a plan to steal Bree’s soul. Well, it sounded like that from the way he made the call.

The Humphreys finally get their act together. Jenny is age-appropriately stylish and cute, while Papa Humphrey was admirably chill, even when Serena took camera-whoring to new heights. Dan thankfully was not whiny this episode and was actually a really good friend to Serena. His friend Vanessa, however, annoyed the hell out of me with her relentless bitching about Dan’s newly acquired wealth (courtesy of Lily Van der Woodsen/Bass).

Overall, this was a pretty awesome episode, even though it was obvious the writers were trying to insert a million different plotlines. In spite of the fact, I’m glad to say they didn’t let me down, particularly when they had Blair and Chuck do some (wink) role-play at the end of the episode. I eagerly await to hear the sound of Kristen Bell’s voice again next week, though.


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