FAT HEAD: WMPD urges, “kill your local indie soft boy”

Disclaimer: this is not news. This is part of the Fat Head, a Flat Hat senior tradition in which the outgoing editors dunk on themselves, the College, and the student culture here. Again, this is not news. If you treat it as such, that’s on you. Any resemblance to characters, real or fictional, is purposeful and malevolent. We warned you.

In a statement released Monday, WMPD shocked students by encouraging direct violence against a group dubbed “indie soft boys,” in what has been described as a hate crime against 80% of the men of the College of William and Mary.

“They’re a menace, with their chunky knit sweaters and lace-up boots,” the statement read. “If they tell you about their spotify playlists and their parasocial relationship with Car Seat Headrest, shoot them on sight.”

As the organization most directly affected by the proclamation, WCWM put out a statement in response.

“We refuse to kill off our members simply because they are, well, insufferable,” the statement read. “Our college has a rich history of aiding and abetting insufferable people, and it’s important to uphold that tradition.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here