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Swim, bike, run

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__College’s Triathlon club returns to campus after four-year hiatus__

p. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning at 6:30 a.m. you’ll find sophomore Ben Bartlett swimming laps at the Rec Center pool. After his classes end in the afternoon, he’ll trade his swimsuit for jogging shorts. Then on weekends, in between time spent at a part-time job, you’ll see him on his bike, going on trips as long as 70 miles.

p. A member of the College’s Club Triathlon team, which re-formed this past fall after a four-year hiatus, Bartlett’s intense weekly training regiment is par for the course for anyone training for the one, two, three punch of swimming, running and biking that a triathlon packs.

p. Bartlett estimates that he spends 20 hours a week working part-time and 15-20 hours training in the three triathlon disciplines. Add school work into the mix and Bartlett’s schedule is packed.

p. “It’s unlike anything else,” Bartlett said. “With the multi-sport lifestyle, you really have to find time to fit things in.”

p. But all the sacrifices he’s made have paid off. At a half Ironman event in April, Bartlett took third place overall and first in his age category (20-24) with a time of 4 hours and 18 minutes. Junior Jon Anderson, another member of the Club Triathlon team, qualified for a national competition in St. Louis after winning his Clydesdale weight category of 200+ pounds in 5 hours and 11 minutes.

p. On June 10, Anderson and several other members of the Triathlon team will compete in the local Yorktown Sprint Triathlon which involves swimming 750 meters, biking for 13.5 miles and a 5k run. The sprint distance is the shortest of four triathlon distances which include olympic, half Ironman and Ironman. While the longer events require greater endurance, sprint triathlons are all about speed.

p. “I have some speed, but not a lot. It’s really difficult for the way I’m built to do short races,” said Bartlett, who is skipping the Yorktown Sprint to train for a different event.

p. Anderson competed in the Yorktown Sprint last year and said his training in the next few weeks will be focused on getting his body ready for a faster paced race.

p. Bartlett’s goal is to qualify for the Ironman Hawaii World Championship next year, but in order to do so he must earn first or second place in his age group at the Buffalo Springs Lake Half Ironman in Lubbock, Texas June 23. The half Ironman event consists of a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, and 13.1 mile run (half-marathon).

p. “I think I have a shot at it,” he said. “I need to get in more quality training time.” Bartlett pointed to the difficulty of balancing work, a part time job and training.

p. “In this sport, all the professionals do is eat, sleep and train. College students who try to compete don’t have that opportunity,” he said. “I never get enough sleep.”

p. While he thinks he has a good chance of doing well at the Buffalo Springs Lake Half Ironman event, finding the time to train the necessary 3-4 hours a day will be his biggest obstacle.
Anderson also said training for a triathlon as a full-time student was a feat in itself.

p. “It takes a lot more will power than other sports,” he said. “You have to get up early and schedule around everything you do in college. Not only that but you have to be ready to experience pain which taxes your body.”

p. Six people train year round for Club Triathlon while several dozen more have expressed interest in competing, according to Anderson. Most of the training is done on an individual basis, with some group swim training and partner bike training.

p. “A lot of the training involves longer workouts and a lot of it involves doing a block of run and bike, then bike and swim back to back,” sophomore Chuck Feerick said, who will be competing at the Yorktown Sprint. “Most days you do two to three disciplines.”

p. Currently the team receives no funding, and everything from entry fees in competitions to equipment is paid in full by the athletes. Costs for a competitive bike can run anywhere from $500 to $8000, and wet suits for swimming range from $200-$400. “It’s one of the more expensive sports out there with all the complicated equipment,” Anderson said.

p. Triathletes can also receive sponsorships if they have good enough results to get noticed Bartlett said, who currently has a coaching scholarship from May through October. His coach talks to him over the phone and via email, giving training plans and other advice, but does not meet with him in person.

p. While members of Club Triathlon often train together, the real beauty of the sport is its individual nature.

p. “You’re not pushing anybody but yourself,” Bartlett said. “You don’t have to live up to anybody’s standards but your own.”

Baseball: College drops two

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__Conference losses hurt team’s playoff chances__

Rain postponed the opener of a three-game series between the College and the University of North Carolina-Wilmington at Plumeri Park Friday night. Junior pitcher Pete Vernon, who had been slated to start Friday, took the mound for the College Saturday afternoon to open a doubleheader against UNCW. The lefty pitched a complete game, shutting down a potent Seahawks lineup as the Tribe won the opener 5-0. But the College could not keep the UNCW bats silent for long, as the Seahawks exploded for 33 runs over the next two games, winning 14-5 Saturday night and 19-1 Sunday. Losing the series dropped the Tribe to 25-21 overall and 11-12 in the CAA.

p. Vernon, whose record improved to 7-4 on the season, efficiently moved through the Seahawk lineup Saturday, striking out four batters while allowing only three hits and four walks. His performance earned him CAA Pitcher of the Week honors.
“Pete [Vernon] was able to keep all the hitters off-balanced, he was able to mix all his pitches up and throw all his pitches for strikes,” junior catcher Tim Park said. “He gave us a great game.”

p. Vernon did have some trouble early on, allowing the first two batters he faced to reach base. The lefty settled down quickly, however, forcing the next batter into a double play. Vernon escaped the inning with help from a base-running gaff by UNCW’s catcher Jonathan Batts, who tried running from home plate to second following a ball-four wild pitch. Park got to the ball swiftly, fired a strike to senior second baseman Brent McWhorter, and caught Batts in a run-down between first and second for the final out.

p. The Tribe capitalized on the momentum shift immediately, as McWhorter led off the bottom half of the first with a single, moved to second on a Park sacrifice bunt, and scored two batters later on senior third baseman Greg Sexton’s sacrifice fly. The College would push across one more run in the inning to take an early 2-0 advantage.

p. The Tribe struck again twice in the fifth and once more in the eighth to stretch the lead to five runs as Vernon continued to mow down Seahawks, facing no more than four batters an inning from the second till the ninth.

p. “Coming off of a really tough weekend at [Virginia Commonwealth University], we just wanted to, as a pitching staff, come in here and set a tone for the weekend and give our offense a chance,” Vernon said.

p. While the weekend got off to a promising start for the Tribe, it would not end that way. Freshman pitcher Kevin Landry started game two of the doubleheader Saturday and got shelled immediately. Landry, whose record fell to 4-5, lasted only 1.1 innings and surrendered seven runs, all earned, as the College fell into an early hole. By the time the Tribe came to bat in the bottom of the third, UNCW led 10-0 en route to a 14-5 Seahawk victory.

p. The rubber match held large playoff implications, as the two schools entered the final game of their weekend set tied for fifth in the CAA standings. The Seahawks, propelled by yet another offensive outburst, jumped ahead of the Tribe early for the second time in as many games Sunday, scoring six runs in the first inning, five more in the second, and an additional four in the fifth. While the Tribe did manage 12 hits on the afternoon, the College failed to score a run until the eighth inning, when the game was well out of reach.

p. “We actually hit pretty well [today], we just didn’t get them all bunched,” Park said. “We are usually pretty good about that. When we get runners on, we move them over and score them, we just struggled with that today.”

p. Dropping two of three to UNCW is a setback in the Tribe’s pursuit of a playoff spot, but with six games remaining in the regular season, the team is not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
“We can’t give up, we’ve got to keep trying,” Park said. “We are still in good shape. If we win our next two series we should be able to make the playoffs. So we just got to go there and take care of business.”

p. The College will travel to the University of Delaware next weekend to battle the Blue Hens. Delaware currently stands third in the CAA, but a sweep by the Tribe over the weekend would push the College ahead of Delaware and help secure a spot in the playoffs.

p. The Tribe faces George Washington University today at 7 p.m. at Plumeri Park.

Our columnist looks back at the year that was

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When I sat down to write my final column of the year, I had a few ideas kicking around about what I should do. At first I thought I’d write about my intramural soccer team — Team So-Good-It’s-Scary — about our heartbreakingly premature exit from the playoffs, and the lessons we learned that transcend the win-loss column and allow us all to lead richer, more fulfilling lives (lessons such as how to rationalize soul-crushing losses into “moral victories” — which we all know don’t exist). Then I realized that I’d already written that article (see Feb. 24 and Nov. 3 issues) about dodgeball and indoor soccer, respectively.

p. Then I thought I’d write about our women’s soccer team, insinuating that their precipitous drop in rank at the end of the season had something to do with the entire feather scandal from earlier this year. But I had already written about a massive conspiracy against our feathers as well (Sept. 15). An article about the luxuries of the Rec Center? Done it (Sept. 9). A column which makes a passing stab at a nineties folk-singer, causing legions of her loyal and humorless fans to descend upon the Flat Hat website and make a series of nasty and misspelled comments?

p. Amazingly enough, it happened (April 10). So, when one runs into the situation of having written every single type of article possible, does the columnist shun the previous forms and create an entirely original work which people will echo throughout the ages? Rather, bravely following in the footsteps of those pioneers at VH1 who seem to have created several million hours worth of shows without ever producing a single new thing, he does a countdown of the top five (however I choose to define them) moments of the preceding year.

p. 5. Jewel Fans Go Berserk — In the wake of the Theta 5k Race for charity, I decided to write an article chronicling my overblown, satirical experience in the competition. In the article I asserted, rather sarcastically, that I placed second because a Jewel song was playing as I sprinted to the finish line, distracting me from the win. At that point, I may or may not have called Jewel a bimbo. The article was promptly posted on a Jewel fansite forum by an anonymous Flat Hat reader (who deserves a medal for what follows). I was immediately struck with mixed feelings of great joy and sadness as I read the twenty-one venomous comments. Joy, because of how hysterically funny the commenters were, unbeknownst to themselves, and sadness with the knowledge that I will never write something that funny. Ever.

p. No more commentary necessary. What follows are a few of my favorite comments, unedited: jayjsantana wrote “you are seriously a morron for putting the blame on Jewel and then calling her a bimbo. Your the Bimbo.” Santino wrote “You, sir, have no right to impune your falsifications and misguided opinion on a musical artist who has more money than you could actually spend,” and “Go bury your head in theh sand somewhere, because these people want your head, and if you aren’t careful, it may just be fed to them.” These are just a couple gems. Because of them, however, I’ve realized that Jewel is the greatest musical genius of all time. For serious, if Beethoven was a female hippie that used to live in a van, he’d look more or less like Jewel (just kidding, but I thought I’d throw that in there — Jewel fans don’t speak sarcasm). For the full story, check it out online.

p. 4. Tribe Feathers Get Clipped — I don’t mean to say that this was a highlight, only that this was one of the most important stories of the year. The idea that some committee can come to the College and tell the administration the degree to which they’re allowed to offend Native Americans is ridiculous. Either change the Indian theme altogether, or realize that a few feathers is the least of anyone’s problems.

p. 3. 6th Man a Huge Success — Traditionally, students here at the College haven’t cared about basketball. In fact, last year most students couldn’t find the basketball court if you took them to the top of William and Mary Hall and then pushed them down the stairs. This year, thanks to the 6th Man apparel program, students showed up in record numbers. Finally a little Tribe Pride leaked past November.

p. 2&1. Women’s Tennis and Men’s Cross Country Place Rate Highly In NCAA — We go to William & Mary. Let me repeat that — William & Mary. A few distinctions set us apart from the average school. For example, we have academic standards, even when it comes to athletes. Also, our campus holds a little over five thousand students. That’s it. You could fit four of us into one Virginia Tech, and it would take seven to equal the double-National Champion Florida Gators. Despite that, the women’s tennis and men’s cross country teams took their spots among the best programs in the country.

p. The women’s tennis team hasn’t finished their season yet, so little can be said for sure, but the consistency of this year’s squad suggests that they’ll be capable of holding their no. 13 ranking come nationals. Senior Megan Moulton-Levy, who earned All-American honors last year, and sophomore doubles partner Katarina Zoricic have clawed their way to the number one position in the country, leading their team to their current position.

p. The men’s cross country team raced to eighth place in the country, improving eleven spots on their national ranking going into the championships and earning the second best finish in school history. Led by junior Christo Landry’s All-American performance, the entire team packed closely together to vault ahead of some highly lauded programs — a position that the team will no doubt look to recapture in the fall.

NBA Draft debate: Should teams take Durant or Oden first overall?

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**The case for Durant**

p. With both Texas forward Kevin Durant and Ohio State center Greg Oden having now declared for the 2007 NBA Draft, the debate over who should be picked no. 1 is now well underway. While a solid case could be made for either player, Durant is clearly the better selection.

p. Durant emerged this year as a game-changing performer, taking over for his team right when they needed him. His jump shot is lights out from any distance, his mid-range game is solid and he can get to the rim practically at will. His defense certainly needs some improvement, but someone with his length (6 feet 10 inches tall) has the natural tools to make an impact on the defensive side of the ball.

p. Oden certainly has plenty of good things going for him. At 7’, 280 lbs, he is a true center — a rare find in the NBA. He can change a game defensively with his shot-blocking presence, and the tremendous strides he made offensively this season show his potential to become a big-time scorer as well.

p. But Oden also displayed some troubling tendencies during the NCAA Tournament, losing his cool at key points by committing careless fouls and not stepping up when his team needed him most, leaving it instead to guards Mike Conley and Ron Lewis. While Durant’s Texas squad suffered an earlier than expected second-round loss at the hands of USC, Durant proved all year long that he was the go-to guy for the Longhorns, often carrying his team to victories.

p. One argument that will be made before the draft is that while talented swingmen like Durant come around often, skilled centers like Oden are a rarity. While there is certainly truth to this, it must be noted that Durant is not your run-of-the-mill swingman. He is the type of player who only comes around once in a blue moon, a pure scorer with three-point range and the competitive spirit to put a team on his back. Oden would be one hell of a player to have on your team, someone you could put talented guards around and field a very competitive team, but Durant would instantly lift your team. Teams should not let the big versus small arguments sway them too much one way.

p. Whoever grabs the top pick via the NBA’s lottery system (the Memphis Grizzlies, Boston Celtics and Milwaukee Bucks, in that order, have the best chances), they should disregard team personnel and other factors and simply take the best player available in the draft — Kevin Durant. The good news for the team with the second pick is that Oden’s no slouch either.

p. __Jeff Dooley is the sports editor for The Flat Hat.__

p. **The Case for Oden**
The past year in College basketball saw the implementation of the NBA’s new age limit. The result has been two of the most talented college basketball players in recent memory — Ohio State center Greg Oden and Texas forward Kevin Durant. It is almost a foregone conclusion that these two will be selected first and second in this year’s NBA draft, and while the selection order will be contingent on what mediocre franchise wins the May 22 lottery, Greg Oden should and will be the first player taken.

p. This is not to take anything away from Durant, whose 25.1 points per game were tops in the Big 12, and who was consistently the nation’s most exciting player. However, Oden’s talent level and potential for development are downright scary. He is one of few players in this day and age who is a true center. He is a menacing presence on defense, leading the Big Ten in blocks and rebounds, and was a dominating force for Ohio State, despite playing half the season with only one good hand.

p. The obvious case for Oden is that he has the potential to develop into the game’s next great big man. While it was potential that led the Pistons to select Darko Milicic with the second pick in the 2003 draft — passing on Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade — this situation is entirely different. Oden has emerged from some of the most intense competition in the country. Despite foul trouble and fatigue issues during the NCAA tournament, Oden’s performance on basketball’s biggest stage — 25 points and 12 rebounds in 38 minutes of play during the Buckeyes’ 75-84 defeat at the hands of Florida in the NCAA championship game— showcased that he is not only ready for the NBA, but ready to step into the starting role for just about any team.

p. The teams most likely to draw the first pick in the lottery are Memphis and Boston, though several other cellar-dwellers also have a shot. The Grizzlies, with the inside presence of Pau Gasol, might at first-glance be inclined to take Durant, but the mere prospect of Gasol playing alongside Oden is frightening, and would make them instant contenders in the Western Conference. The Celtics, and just about any other team in the lottery, would reap the benefits of a dominant big man that has been compared to Patrick Ewing and Tim Duncan. Durant will be taken second, and both will see significant minutes and contend for rookie of the year honors.

p. __Alex Ely is the editorial writer for The Flat Hat.__

Letters to the Editor (May 1)

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**Inaccurate characterization of professor**

p. __To the Editor:__

p. A recent article that appeared in The Virginia Informer questioned the objectivity of Professor Peter Bechtold. Judging by its content, we believe that this article was not designed to inform the student body, but rather mount a personal attack against a very knowledgeable and professional faculty member. This semester, we have had the privilege of taking Professor Bechtold’s seminar on the Arab-Israeli conflict.

p. This article insinuates that Professor Bechtold holds biases against Israel, a very serious allegation. The author stated that the only assigned textbook for our seminar was Jimmy Carter’s controversial book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid.” This claim is untrue, as our two assigned textbooks were Carter’s and Dennis Ross’ book, “The Missing Peace.” For our final essay, we are required to write a comparison of the two books, in which we are expected to criticize Carter’s writings when appropriate.

p. Additionally, we were given a list of 13 other books to reference. In class, we generally go over assignments and discuss research we have gathered from wide-ranging sources. This “article” exhibits a fundamental ignorance in the distinction between presenting a viewpoint and advocating or inculcating it.

p. The article employs the position of an unnamed student who refers to Professor Bechtold with hateful Nazi terminology. It attempted to appear objective by referencing two of our classmates, and alleged “supporters” of Professor Bechtold, seniors Sulaiman Bah and Walid Kildani. However, in our opinion, the author purposefully chose two students with Arabic names to portray the professor as someone only agreeable to a select group of people.

p. If the author meant that Professor Bechtold scrutinizes certain Israeli policy choices, as he scrutinizes other governments’ choices, then they would be correct. The allegations made in this article were upsetting and disturbing because they questioned the objectivity of a professor who is concerned principally with inciting discussion and learning — not hatred or an agenda of any kind

p. __— Students of Professor Bechtold’s Arab-Israeli conflict seminar__

p. **Response to gun control editorial**

p. __To the Editor:__

p. The editorial on “Common-sense gun control” in the April 27 issue of The Flat Hat started out to be a legitimate call for legislation to close a legal loophole that cost lives, and ended as a disgusting politicization of a tragedy. Shame on you.

p. If you had confined the editorial to the relevant facts of the matter, that a mentally disturbed individual was able to procure arms and ammunition because of a technicality, the editorial would have warranted respect and heed.

p. As it was, you not only sought to address this issue, but issues which do not even remotely pertain to this crime. Cho Seung-Hui was not wielding a machine gun or an automatic pistol, so why bring them up? Cho did not defeat any safety technologies to engage in his rampage, so why bring them up? Cho did not use an extraordinary number of weapons to commit murder — two pistols do not compare to the dozen handguns railed against in the editorial, so why are you making quantity an issue?

p. Keeping weapons out of the hands of psychologically distressed individuals is common sense. Respect for the dead and refraining from politicizing their deaths beyond the scope warranted is not common sense, it is common decency. Your lack of tact, poorly disguised bias and wonton politicization of the murders at Virginia Tech has lowered my estimation of The Flat Hat’s standards of journalism, and leaves me filled with disgust.

p. __— Andrew Nesbitt, ’09__

Good riddance, seniors

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My eighth grade gym teacher could make me do anything. She barked like a seal and had a body builder’s bulkiness to boot. In gym shorts and a T-shirt, I was terrified of every intimidating bulge. “Let’s play some God damn soccer or else I’ll fail you.” I couldn’t argue with that logic.

p. Threatened with a bad grade, I will do almost anything for anyone. For that bulldog stare, I would have killed my fellow gym mates bare handed, no questions asked. Yet beneath that girth, my teacher once revealed genuine emotion. I can still remember the day. She blew her whistle to call the class in early.

p. “Class, I just wanted to bring you in a little early to reveal some news I just heard.” Her voice was viscous, the way mine got when I was sick. “Is everything okay?” I asked sweetly. “Everything is not okay.” She tore off her sunglasses in one furious motion. “It’s Tom Cruise. He and his wife, Nicole Kidman, have separated.” No one said anything. “I’m sure they could just get back together,” I said. “No, they can’t. Nicole Kidman has already begun filing for divorce. Class dismissed.”

p. As I went back to the locker room, I was struck. First, by how gross my gym teacher’s face looked when it was scrunched up into a sob. Second, and more importantly, I was taken aback at how such a small change could affect her so profoundly. This was the same woman who shook the bleachers when she dropped her girth into a squat. She was so stony-faced all the time — I didn’t think she knew what emotion was.

p. However, I understand now that a pair of proverbial sneaker laces tie us together. On that day, she was affected by change, albeit an inconsequential one. And today I, too, am bereaved by the prospect of impermanence. My friends are graduating this May, and when they leave I will be left alone.

p. I would be okay with losing my friends if friends were like everyday household appliances. I mean, if I lose my trusty pair of nose hair clippers, I can scour my room for an hour until I find them. If those clippers don’t appear and my nose hairs look particularly unbecoming, I can merely go to the store and buy another pair. Friends are nothing like nose hair trimmers, though; once they leave, they leave for good.

p. I know that people say friendships last a lifetime. Those people are full of bullshit. As much as I want to remain close to these graduating seniors, I doubt this is possible. People change and interests change. In 10 years, I will be a completely different person. Old friends have a place in our lives only because they remind us of the people we once were, the way that old pictures from elementary school remind me of my chubby-faced self.

p. So, instead of enshrouding myself in a cloak of grief, I think it would be for the best if I took another cue from my eighth grade gym teacher. Losing friends does not make me sad, it makes me angry. It makes me want to scream and yell and make those senior punks run 13 laps around the softball field. So, that’s just what I will do. “Get the hell out you fuckers,” I will scream. Get the hell out before we become better friends and your graduation hurts me even more.

p. __James Damon, a sophomore at the College, is a staff columnist. His columns appear on Tuesdays.__

Blowout basics

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The anticipated arrival of the Queen has stirred many dubious emotions here at the College. With the last day of classes canceled, entire curricula are thrown off, last-gasp readings and assignments are thrown out the window or due early, review sessions marginalized, course evaluations are trivialized. But this is nothing when compared to the main concern on everyone’s mind: Blowout.

p. Because of the Queen’s presence on campus, the College wants to ensure that Friday’s ceremony will be a sober one. Blowout has unofficially been pushed back to Thursday, but for many students it will simply spill into Friday, Queen or no Queen.

p. Blowout didn’t always epitomize a day without consequences. Indeed, Blowout started out as a tradition among the seniors. The object was for graduating students to toast their favorite professors in class. It was a public event and it was fairly civilized. It wasn’t long before undergrads privatized the event, taking it into their dorm rooms and attending class drunk.

p. What administrators and professors realize is that, much to their dismay, Blowout has become as sound a tradition at the college as Convocation, the Yule Log Ceremony and the Triathlon. The events of this Thursday are inevitable, but before the Queen? There’s an element of excitement in going to class drunk, but can you imagine the consequences of shouting in the middle of the Queen’s speech?

p. Beginning Thursday at 9 a.m., Residence Life (including resident advisors and area directors) will make rounds in their respective quarters, walking their buildings’ halls, crossing each room on the half-hour, every half-hour, until 7 p.m.

p. In discussing the matter with a friend, there was mention of an administrative “crackdown” on this semester’s Blowout. Over the years, the drunken ceremony has translated into record-breaking write-ups and trips to the health center. It is highly unlikely a student will be charged with a verbal warning for drinking— in all likelihood he or she will be written up. Depending on the sort of mayhem one chooses to engage in (i.e. streaking), one runs the high risk of facing probation, suspension or even expulsion.

p. More dreadful is the enormity of shame one feels when letting down his or her professor by stumbling into class drunk. The last thing you want to do is show your worst possible face to your academic advisor at nine in the morning. I heard one sophomore had the audacity of throwing up in the middle of his philosophy class, the professor of which was the department chair.
I will go on record in supporting the tradition of Blowout. It’s fun, memorable and gives everyone an excuse to drink in the morning. So, as long as you don’t get shitfaced and utterly humiliate yourself in class, you can get away with a bust-up with some simple advice.

p. If you’re not too tipsy by the first few hours, make sure to get free doughnuts or pancakes, wherever they may be. A square meal will give you energy, decrease alcohol absorption, prevent you from passing out and potentially curb the next day’s hangover (generally, the greasier the better, I personally recommend a Philly cheese steak). Also, make sure to drink plenty of water. This goes without saying.

p. If your class is an important one, or if you have an ounce of respect for your instructor, go to class sober. Often, professors hold review sessions for the final exam on Blowout. Sober up and take notes; you might actually learn something. Show up drunk, and you run the risk of losing a professor’s respect. The best thing to do would be to hold out until after classes, at which point the real parties begin, and your chances of getting caught diminish.

p. Undergrads should keep a low profile. Hide your glazed eyes behind a pair of aviators and keep your mouth shut — the whole world doesn’t need to know how twisted you may be. Take your party inside, but be smart about it. As RAs make their rounds, they will be on the lookout for any noise from within your room, from loud laughter to the soft, subtle bouncing of a pong ball.
Make sure to seal the base of your doors with a wet towel. This prevents the smell of alcohol from seeping into the halls. Open up your windows, but remember to keep the blinds shut. Every so often, spray your room liberally with Febreze.

p. If you’re a senior, I doubt you’ll even need to take my advice. As you take your senior walk to ring that bell with a buzz, just remember that the Queen will be here, and that this is the moment you’ve been working toward, the day your alcohol tolerance shall be tested to the utmost, the day in which you will be asked to put on a sober face for just one afternoon, then take it off again. Don’t get caught. Don’t let us down.

p. __Sherif Abdelkarim, a sophomore at the College, is a staff columnist. His columns appear on Tuesdays.__

Staff Editorial: Cheers and Jeers

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Today marks the last time that The Flat Hat will print this academic year. Before you start breaking down in tears or celebrating in various ways, we’ve got some last-minute reflections for you. This year has seen a number of interesting changes and events take place, and we’ve been right here throughout. Take a look at our picks for the best and worst moments of the past academic year.

p. Cheers to President Nichol for his charisma and genuinely eloquent voice, particularly in offering assistance to the Virginia Tech community. Also, cheers to Nichol for his sweat-soaked toast at the King and Queen Ball. It was enjoyable and memorable, even though some of us can’t remember it.

p. Jeers to President Nichol for his misguided, clandestine decision to remove the Wren cross without consulting the campus community.

p. Cheers to the Student Assembly senate for passing a bill to provide free blue books to students.

p. Jeers to the senate for doing little else.

p. Cheers to UCAB for its yellow shirts and providing The Flat Hat with a feature photo during its game night.

p. Jeers to UCAB for My Chemical Romance, wasting student funds and slaughtering everyone’s hope for a successful spring concert.

p. Cheers to the city of Williamsburg for …

p. Jeers to the city of Williamsburg for, well, everything. Specifically, the City Council’s anti-student behavior, the zoning administration’s eviction warnings to students, the almost impossible task of registering to vote in Williamsburg and the city’s refusal to abandon ship on the three-person housing rule.
Cheers to Unit K.

p. Jeers to Unit L.

p. Cheers to Ukrop’s — the store.

p. Jeers to Ukrop Drive.

p. Cheers to McGlothlin-Street Hall for being an above-average academic building.

p. Jeers to Jim McGlothlin for being a below-average alumnus — $12 million below average.

p. Cheers to junior Shariff Tanious for proposing a bill that would have dissolved the SA senate.

p. Jeers to Tanious for consistently being a horrendously ineffective senator who received an “F” on The Flat Hat’s senate report card, and who spends his time playing computer games during senate meetings. Vote Matt Brown for Class of 2008 vice president for advocacy.

p. Cheers to Queen Elizabeth II for gracing campus with her presence this Friday and getting classes canceled.

p. Jeers to Prince Charles.

p. Cheers to the men’s cross country, women’s tennis, women’s swimming and women’s soccer teams for their successful seasons.

p. Jeers to the NCAA for plucking the College’s feathers, despite the presence of several more offensive mascots and symbols in college athletics.

p. Cheers to the new parking garage.

p. Jeers to the rising cost of parking stickers and overpriced tickets, as well as the parking services personnel in general.

p. Cheers to the admissions office for continuing efforts to diversify campus.

p. Jeers to the admissions office for not being forthcoming and timely with its statistics.

p. Cheers to the new online housing lottery.

p. Jeers to the excessive number of students bumped this year. Along these same lines, jeers to the College and Residence Life for not providing other suitable housing options.

p. Cheers to alcohol and alcohol amnesty.

p. Jeers to the campus alcohol policy in general.

p. Cheers to summer. We’ll see you in the fall.

p. Go Tribe. Hark Upon the Gale.

Summer blockbusters look to thrill

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With “Disturbia” topping last weekend’s box office for the third straight week, the silver screen fell to its lowest point all year. After all the trash released this past month by executives, moviegoers are rejoicing as next week is the official start of the summer box office season. While most are accustomed to the traditional onslaught of big-budget, loud-in-every-way, summer blockbuster fares, this time of the year is also home to many of the year’s best smaller films. Here is a diverse list of movies for you film aficionados that can’t be missed this summer.


“Spider-Man 3” — The first ‘Spider-Man’ movie overcame all the odds and was a box office phenomenon. Here we are five years later and the third installment has arrived. The main reason for Spidey’s success is the loyalty and dedication of those working with the project. To have anyone else but Sam Raimi direct future installments would be a crime, and to replace Tobey Maguire at this point would be a mistake as well. While many were skeptical at first of the skinny kid from “Pleasantville” becoming Spider-Man, it’s come to the point where there is no one else that can be associated with the role. As for the film, everything about it screams “big.” From three villains — Green Goblin, The Sandman and Venom — to a new love interest — Gwen Stacey played by Bryce Dallas Howard (“The Lady in the Water”) — to an epic showdown that took a third of the reportedly $258 million budget, “Spider-Man” is the first true comic book trilogy masterpiece.
Release date — May 4.

p. “Rescue Dawn” — Christian Bale (“The Prestige”) is hands-down one of the best actors in Hollywood today. His ability to become entranced in his role is scary at times. In this Vietnam War film, Bale plays a U.S. fighter pilot (a role for which he lost 55 pounds) whose plane is shot down over Laos and who is captured and put in a prisoner-of-war camp. His character attempts to lead all the POWs through a death-defying escape from the camp. With a solid plotline and Bale leading the charge, this film promises to deliver plenty of excitement.
Release date — July 4.

p. “Talk to Me” — Don Cheadle (“Hotel Rwanda”) has been on a roll ever since his Oscar nomination two years ago, delivering scene stealing performances in all his films. In this new drama, set in the turbulent times of the 1960s, Cheadle plays “Petey” Greene, an outspoken ex-convict who goes on to become one of the most renowned talk show personalities of his generation. Greene is able to lend a voice to the black community and, with his daredevil attitude, is able to make changes. This film looks like the perfect counter-programming to the typical summer film, promising lots of laughs and lots of tears. Here’s hoping Cheadle can snag another nomination for this role.
Release date — July 13.

p. “Halloween” — Being an avid Rob Zombie (“The Devil’s Rejects”) fan, I may be biased, but to say that this man does not know how to do horror would be blasphemy. Zombie has adapted John Carptenter’s classic for the modern generation into a hybrid prequel-remake film. Early reports are saying that the film is darker, grittier and, of course, gorier than the original. Here’s hoping the gore is not in place of the tension that made the first film great. Zombie’s cast seems more than capable of honoring the tradition of the “Halloween” films, however, to be fair, the last four “Halloween” films have been complete garbage (rapper Busta Rhymes starred in the last installment). Hopefully, Zombie can resurrect a once-dominant franchise.
Release date — August 31.

p. “The Simpsons” — While many have claimed that this modern day, American classic cartoon may have overstayed its welcome, there is no denying that fans have been clamoring for a feature-length film for years. The time is now upon us and, love them or hate them, the Simpsons will hold their place in American pop culture forever. All that is known about the plot is that Homer must save the world from a disaster he, himself, has created. The Simpsons have been able to be successful for a half-hour at a time, but will that translate into a 90-minute film? I believe so, if the writers are on top of their game. There is no reason for this film not to deliver the laughs of the summer.
Release date — July 27.

p. Other films to watch out for in the summer are “Mr. Brooks,” starring Kevin Costner (“Field of Dreams”) as a successful businessman turned serial killer. Think “American Psycho” meets “Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.” Then there’s “Evan Almighty,” the sequel to “Bruce Almighty,” which takes a completely different direction and focuses on the minor character of Evan (Steve Carell, “The Office”) as the main protagonist who has to build an Ark. Carell has had a lot of success the last few years and the studio is banking on his brand of comedy to sell a lot of tickets. With a reported price tag of over $120 million, this film will be all over the place, if anything.

p. John Cusack (“Must Love Dogs”) stars as a paranormal debunker in the Stephen King adaptation of “1408.” 1408 refers to the room number in a hotel where all of it’s residents have died in peculiar manners and now Cusac’s character has come to investigate. The last few Stephen King adaptations have been less than stellar, but with a solid cast, this should provide plenty of scares. “The Bourne Ultimatum” is the third film in the “Bourne” series, which has been a very nice alternative to the “Bond” series with its techno-European feel and realistic action sequences. It’s star, Matt Damon (“The Good Shepard”), has also seen his profile raised to a much higher level with these films. It’s too bad that he’s done after this one. With mostly everyone returning from the previous film including director Paul Greengrass (“United 93”), the third film promises more of the same in terms of action and suspense, but this time with the added knowledge that Jason Bourne (Damon) has fully recovered his memory and now is out for vengeance.

p. Finally, there’s the summer’s typical fantasy entry in “Stardust.” Tristan, played by Charlie Cox (“Casanova”) must retrieve a fallen star from the magical realm in order to keep a promise to his beloved. Featuring a cast of Robert De Niro (“The Good Shepard”), Claire Danes (“The Family Stone”) and Michelle Pfeiffer (“What Lies Beneath”) and a big budget, “Stardust” could end up being this year’s “Lord of the Rings.”

p. So there you have it folks, just some of the films you shouldn’t miss this summer. There’s plenty more out there, but do watch out for drivel such as “Georgia Rule” and “Dead or Alive.” Aside from that, this looks to be one of the biggest summers in the history of the box office.