Something has taken over the campus: A terrible smell has settled over the buildings and landmarks of this adored institution. Not just one smell, but distinct and characteristic smells, each foul in its own particular way.

p. Only a few weeks ago, the stench of fertilized mulch hung around Jamestown North and South — this smell, at least, has a purpose. The scent of soil and planting can be a little comforting, if not pleasant. The thought of spring flowers in all of their radiant, well-nourished glory helps temper the odor.

p. However, this raises other questions about similar nasal-offenders. What on earth is the reason for the over-cooked broccoli smell in Tucker? An oscillating bouquet of cruciferous vegetables and the scent of raw sewage plagues my favorite building on Old Campus. I have heard the most concentrated area of stench is down in the Charles Center — hardly conducive to inviting students to apply for grants and fellowships. Perhaps this problem might speed along the rumored renovation of the structure.

p. Moving on to that most delicate of ecosystems, the Crim Dell is in full stink bloom as of late. The smell begins along the Landrum path and lasts to the UC Terrace, forcing a quicker pace as one moves by the picturesque spot. The smell poses a problem for tour guides as well: Usually we stop by the Crim Dell to regroup, tell stories about the traditions and superstitions of the site and let prospectives snap photos of our beautiful campus. Recently, these moments have been cut abruptly short because the smell of some biological decay makes it hard to wax poetic about the bridge and its surroundings.

p. The runoff from the Crim Dell travels along the paths in the woods toward that large sinkhole and the smell travels with it. While some students complain that the hole should be filled in or miraculously fixed, it does serve an ecological function as a drainage and overflow basin. Some classes muck around down there for research; perhaps a new assignment should be to figure out its bacterial composition and why on Earth that little area produces so much sulfur gas. That would certainly have a place in a syllabus.

p. While individuals have no way to fix these situations, there is a final smell that I hope to banish from campus — the over-cologned male. Perhaps these students feel a need to mask the various other unpleasant scents on campus with their own overpowering musk. Perhaps they would like to mark every girl they hug with a distinct halo of transferred scent. Please, spare us your consideration; you reek.

p. It is not only the stench of imposter designer cologne that gets me. Any fragrance applied with a heavy hand ruins desired effect. Even the most expensive, delicately mixed notes will render one nauseated if splashed on like aftershave. Please, I beg you, stop choking your peers with asphyxiates in the guise of colognes, body sprays and body splashes.

p. If a guy takes care of his personal hygiene, I promise he’ll smell good. Nothing can mimic the scent of clean, freshly washed skin, the limited but thorough application of deodorant, the delicacy of moisturizer, the minty notes of a well-cared-for mouth or the mild halo of hair product. This subtle balance cannot be recreated in a lab and slapped on willy-nilly in an attempt to appear well groomed. The finishing touch of extra fragrance should be the last step in a full pampering routine, after which, nobody needs the additional help anyway.

p. Regardless of the general aroma of campus, please, do not take on the task of masking the odors single-handedly. It’s more nauseating than a dip in the Crim Dell.

p. __Charlotte Savino is a Confusion Corner columnist for The Flat Hat. She uses only the lightest spritz of designer perfume.__

p. **Thursday, April 5 —** Two 21-year-old white males were arrested at 900 Lafayette St. and charged with noise violations. One was described as about 6’2” and the other was about 6’4”. **(1)**

p. — A 24-year-old woman and an 18-year-old man, both of Williamsburg, were sentenced to five years of prison on charges of burglary and attempted robbery. The young man had one additional year for violating his probation on an earlier charge for a malicious wounding. **(2)**

p. The decision comes from an Aug. 30, 2006 incident, when a group of six people broke into a 32-year-old man’s apartment at the Village of Woodshire apartment complex on Merrimac Trail. They intended to rob him but started beating him instead. There were two other 18-year-olds involved, who pled guilty but also faced five-year prison terms.

p. **Saturday, April 7 —** A man was arrested on charges of being drunk in public on 400 Richmond Rd. The 24-year-old white male was described as 6”0’, 300 pounds, with blue eyes. **(3)**

p. — On 800 Capitol Landing Rd., a 46-year-old Yorktown man was arrested and charged with a DUI, refusal and following too close. The subject was described as 6’2”, 300 lbs, with blue eyes and brown hair. **(4)**

p. — At 500 York St., an 18-year-old man was arrested for possession of marijuana. He was described as a black male with brown eyes. **(5)**

Courtesy Photo – Mark Johnson. Students woke Saturday morning to a light covering of snow, which they molded into a snowman in front of Yates Hall.

__A TDX brother filed a complaint against a Phi Tau member__

p. At 1:40 a.m. April 1, Theta Delta Chi’s “Preps vs. Punks” dance party ended abruptly after students discovered human excrement on the dance floor. Members of the fraternity quickly cleared the Unit C basement and cleaned the floor, but the incident caused a verbal dispute — allegedly laced with anti-gay rhetoric — between members of TDX and members of Phi Kappa Tau, who occupy the adjacent Unit D residence.

p. A member of TDX, who asked to remain anonymous, has individually filed two complaints to Dean of Students Patricia Volp, one regarding the excrement on the dance floor and the other against a member of Phi Tau, who is charged with yelling the anti-gay remarks to TDX brothers after Unit C was cleared.
“I can’t imagine anything more disgusting,” Volp said about the incident on the dance floor.

p. Assistant Dean Dave Gilbert, agreed.
“[I can’t imagine] a scenario where that wasn’t deliberate,” Gilbert said. “I guess you can imagine it, but it’s highly unlikely, let’s put it that way.”

p. Gilbert, who heads Judicial Affairs, said that TDX believes the excrement on the dance floor was the result of a prank, but neither he nor the complaint named a perpetrator.

p. “I can certainly verify human excrement on the floor of [TDX’s] dance floor,” Gilbert said. “They think someone brought it in.”

p. While the student who filed the complaint did not name any suspect in the dance floor incident, the report to the dean claims that a Phi Tau brother used anti-gay remarks against some brothers of TDX after the unit was cleared.

p. Due to the confidentiality of the incident report, Gilbert could not state the content of the remarks. He did say, however, that they were the type of words “an eighth grader would use.”

p. Billy Hafker, a sophomore and Phi Tau’s vice president, acknowledged that members of both fraternities shared words after the unit was cleared, and that members of both groups had been drinking that night.

p. “We were all just real drunk,” Hafker said. “We got on each others’ nerves and we started yelling at each other. A few people in each of our groups were trying to rile things up a little bit and took it too far.”

p. Hafker also said that the dispute was an isolated incident, one that did not indicate a continuing rivalry between the two fraternities. He stated that the “derogatory” remarks were only made by one of the Phi Tau brothers, who is currently under judicial review.

p. Gilbert verified Hafker’s statement.

p. “It does appear that it’s primarily an individual and not a contingent of the group or an officer of the group acting on behalf of the fraternity,” he said.

p. Hafker acknowledged that campus police were involved, but no one was written up for the incident.

p. TDX declined to comment, stating that the incident was an individual issue, and did not involve the entire fraternity.

p. “This is being pursued as an individual issue, not as an organizational issue. Therefore, as an organization, we do not feel it is our place to comment,” the statement read.

p. The student under investigation will undergo a cursory review, where Gilbert will outline the judicial process and make sure the accused student is aware of his rights. After the cursory review, the student will face the judicial council.

__Pilchen says cabinet will be most diverse in SA history__

p. Student Assembly President-elect, sophomore Zach Pilchen, is planning on making changes to the executive appointment process.

p. “Many new positions are being created for areas where the Student Assembly has traditionally failed to meet student needs, and several older, redundant positions are being eliminated entirely,” Pilchen said.

p. Pilchen said that his cabinet will be the most diverse in SA history and will draw from the best and brightest of the College. Pilchen wants to reach out to the overwhelming majority of the student body who have never been involved with the SA.

p. “The student body deserves no less than the most capable, passionate team of individuals possible to advocate their needs,” he said.

p. His first order of business is to appoint positions for the cabinet within the executive branch. There are six main departments: Academic Policy, Student Life, Public Affairs, Finance, Diversity Initiatives and Health and Safety.

p. According to the SA constitution, senators must approve all departmental appointments. Pilchen and Vice President-elect sophomore Valerie Hopkins will be meeting with the newly-elected senators to discuss their agenda for next year.

p. Pilchen has not said which of President Scofield’s officers he will reappoint and he refused to comment as to whether he would appoint defeated SA candidates Brad Potter and Brett Phillips to any positions.

p. Pilchen would not comment on specific appointments, but sophomore Andy Peters, the Assistant Secretary of Public Affairs under the Scofield administration, confirmed that he will “almost certainly” be re-appointed. He told The Flat Hat details of a meeting with Pilchen where they discussed the future of the SA and how Pilchen’s plans compare to those of the Scofield administration. According to Peters, despite his support of Brad Potter and Brett Phillips, Pilchen wants him back. Peters is a Flat Hat staff columnist.

p. Pilchen added that he and his transistion team have carefully reviewed the results of the referenda on the ballot last month. After he has filled the appropriate cabinet positions, he said his administration will determine what to do with the referenda results.