Behind Closed Doors: You and your bush

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October 2, 2014

9:49 PM

Bodies are a weird thing. Sure, that statement alone might seem weird, but think about it: Bodies are made up of tissues and lumps and bumps. We’re full of imperfections. Our bodies are covered with scars and beauty marks, and don’t forget about hair — we have a whole lot of hair in a lot of weird places. Hair on your arms, your upper lip, your knuckles and hair covering your crotch. Pubic hair is just a weird thing. We all have a nice layer of hair covering our privates, yet the mere mention of pubes strikes fear and embarrassment for everyone within ear’s reach.

Putting all of this weirdness aside, we need to talk about pubic hair. Yes, pornos display hairless men and women; ads present us with images of women with hairless bikini lines (thanks, Nair!) and men void of happy trails; and stores are shelved with product upon product aimed at removing this “unsightly” hair from our bodies. With all of these images of perfectly hairless people, it’s no wonder we all share insecurities about how things should look downstairs.

You might be thinking to yourself, “Why is this girl getting so analytical about shaving my pubes?” But there are so many things worth discussing. There are plenty of options out there: shave it all, shave some, or in the immortal words of the Beatles, “let it be.” When asking yourself, “to shave or not to shave, that is the question,” here are a few things to keep in mind.

Does pubic hair gross you out on another level? Are you prepared to bring a shaving razor that close to your baby makin’ parts? Do you have the time to commit to a full landscaping plan (so many fun potential designs!) or would you rather keep it simple? Are you prepared to deal with the potential razor burn or the pain of waxing? Would you rather forgo the traditional grooming and maybe add a bit a bling to your coochie?

These are all important questions to consider, but one particular question deserves some commentary: What do folks find attractive? The simple answer is that it depends on who you’re gettin’ freaky with. Some people like zero hair, while others don’t mind a bush. Who wants a simple answer? I’m here to bring to you my grand theory on pubic hair. Whether you shave, wax or don’t do anything at all — whether you have chosen to pierce your privates or prefer to vajazzle, it’s all about werkin’ it. If you’re just hooking up or getting intimate with a partner, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. No, I’m not talking about your personality (though I’m sure you’ve got the best personality ever); it’s the fact that you are about to rock that person’s world in sexual ways they did not think possible. Even if you feel a little insecure because you slept in this morning instead of pulling out your shaving cream and razor, having confidence in yourself is all around more important than whether or how you “mow the lawn.”

As many as my friends say, “you do you.” Whether you want to shave everything or create an elaborate design of the Eiffel tower in your pubes, it’s totally up to you. The moral of the story? Pubic hair, like life, is what you make of it. Whether or not the curtains match the drapes, nothing should be the be-all and end-all of your sex life. What really matters is that you’re taking care of yourself and having fun.

Mallory W. is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who wasn’t kidding about that Eiffel Twoer, c’est la vie, mon amour.

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  • Mallory W