Behind Closed Doors: Better than doggy style, cuddling positions for a twin XL

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March 16, 2015

9:37 PM

Don’t get me wrong, I love college. I love the independence, the classes, the people, and, when Sadler serves mac and cheese, I would go so far as to say I love the food. However, there is one thing I hate about college: the beds. Though I don’t mind the extra foot of length of the twin XL, the beds provided by the College of William and Mary ultimately make it pretty difficult to get intimate. Trying to seduce your lady? Beware, because you may end up pushing her accidentally off the side of your lofted bed. Want to switch from top to bottom? It can be done, but only if you get off the bed while your partner makes the switcheroo.

Not only is it difficult to get freaky in these beds, sleeping with another person poses a much more troubling problem. If you want to cuddle post-coitus or have a slumber party, you risk rolling off the bed or rolling onto your snuggle buddy. There’s also a chance you may wake up so squished you won’t be able to move your neck for a solid two days (trust me, guys, it happens). Despite the dangers associated with two lovers in one bed, you can’t help but want to get cute with that special someone, whether that someone is a lover, a significant other, or just a friend.

There is no need to worry any longer, ladies and gentlemen. I am here to offer up some of my go-to snuggle positions when I get cozy in a twin XL.

I find the butt touch is most popular among heterosexual men who must share a bed but do not want their sexuality to be questioned (no sword fights here).

First, there’s the butt touch. This entails you and your partner both lying on their sides, facing in opposite directions. I find the butt touch is most popular among heterosexual men who must share a bed but do not want their sexuality to be questioned (no sword fights here). This position is great when you’re really trying to get some sleep, as your sleep partner won’t disturb you. Alternatively, it’s perfect for when you’re looking to shoot your best friends a text including all the nitty gritty details of your night. The con to this position: if you’re prone to passing gas you will be farting on your partner all night—not the sexiest act.

Next, we have the spoons. Spooning is a pretty standard position. Sexy friend number one will snuggle up to sexy friend number two the way that silverware fit together. If you’ve experienced spooning you know how it goes. When you’re the little spoon, spooning is wonderful. You feel safe and comforted. If you’re the big spoon, however, you usually end up with a face full of hair. Therefore, the biggest downside to spooning is that you’ll end up fighting over who gets big spoon vs. little spoon.

Consider trying out the awkward side hug if you prefer laying on your back. The awkward side hug requires one lover to lay on their back while the other snuggles up. If you’re the one lying on your side, this position can be a tricky one. You’ve got an awkward arm that I guarantee will fall asleep within thirty minutes. On top of this, you’re without a pillow, so maybe have a few muscle relaxers on hand for the next morning; chances are moving your neck will be a challenge if you’re the awkward hugger. That being said, please proceed with caution when trying out the awkward side hug.

Not feeling sleepy but still want to spend time with your cuddle buddy? The watchman is the perfect position for you. While your partner settles down to sleep, cuddle up with them. Once they fall asleep, take a gander at their cute little sleeping face. If you’re feeling comfortable, give that adorable face of theirs a nice little stroke. Plop yourself down and pretend to sleep if they start to stir. The watchman allows you to get a good look at your lover, though it may get a little uncomfortable if they wake up while you’re gazing.

I hope that at least one of these positions will help you and your partner get snug in the itty bitty beds the school provides us with. Whether you like to sleep on your side, sleep on your back, or maybe not sleep at all, there’s something here for you. So get out there and get your cuddle on, people of the College!

Mallory W is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who is currently in search of a big spoon.

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  • Mallory W