An Evening of Dance

Behind Closed Doors: Final Words of Wisdom

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November 14, 2016

11:24 PM

I have had the honor and pleasure to serve as a Behind Closed Doors columnist for two whole years now. As the semester comes to a close, and as I begin my transition into becoming a second-semester senior, it is time for me to step out in front of the open door and allow someone else to share their sexual wisdom with you.

Before I say goodbye forever, I want to take a trip down memory lane. For this, my final article, I want to leave you with a few slices of sexual advice from each of the articles I have written over the past two years:

1. Masturbation is good. Do not be ashamed/afraid to do it if it makes you happy.

2. There is no singular definition for sex. Communicate with any and all partners you have to make sure you are on the same page.

3. Long-distance is hard. Sometimes your relationship will go up in flames. Sometimes the distance will only strengthen your relationship. But it’s hard no matter what, and that is okay.

4. Make sure to give the vaginas in your life some oral attention. Do not fear the vagina. Embrace it.

5. Do not waste your time faking orgasms. Teach yourself and your partner what to do to make you feel “mmm, mmm” good.

6. Shaving is cool. Not shaving is also cool. There is no need to make people feel funky about the presence or absence of hair on their bodies. Just do you.

7. Replace “walk of shame” in your vocabulary with “got laid parade!” Confetti is encouraged, though not required.

8. Give hickeys or don’t, but remember that they are bruises and you should definitely ask for permission first.

9. If you have a roommate, don’t be rude. Be considerate of your room as their space, too. That said, if you’re getting it on, just make sure your roommate knows. (And don’t do it in their bed. Just don’t.)

10. “You Can Be as Loud as the Hell You Want (When You’re Making Love).” “Avenue Q” may have coined the phrase, but feel free to put it into practice, unless it’s quiet hours.

11. Feel free to kiss and tell! If you feel comfortable, open up about your sex life with your friends. We can all benefit from each other’s experiences.

12. If the spirit moves you, pen some letters to every major broadcasting company you can think of, and include the hashtag: #stopthelesbiandeathtrope2k16

13. Fight against outdated, heteronormative, sexist social norms.

14. If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to talk about it. Settle in, get cozy, and bring those “behind closed doors” conversations out into the open.

15. I am really bad at dirty talk. That said, if it floats your boat, just keep on floatin’.

16. I love being naked. If you love being naked like me, be naked! Let your body empower you.

17. Coming out is a journey, and it is certainly not an easy one. Be supportive of yourself and your friends in their journeys, and always remember that sexuality is fluid.

18. Stop saying “hooking up” and say what you mean.

In summary, I encourage you all to go with the flow, remember that sexuality is fluid and communication is key, and just keep doing you. With that, I release you into the world with one last sprinkling of sex-positive fairy dust. I hope that, somewhere along the line, something I said has resonated with you.

Katelyn Reimer is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who is leaving the door unlocked for scandalous columnists to come.

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  • Katelyn R.