Eva Jaber ’28 (she/her) is a prospective English or international relations major. She is a member of the Cleftomaniacs, an a cappella group, an ESL tutor and hopes to encourage peace-minded advocacy on campus. Contact her at ehjaber@wm.edu.
The views expressed in the article are the author’s own.
My favorite part of every romantic comedy movie is always the meet-cute. Nothing gives me more hope than watching a protagonist’s embarrassing mishap become a convenient introduction to the love of their life. Although, I need someone to explain to me why my aura losses around campus don’t turn into meet-cutes. Unlucky moments for me come in spades, and you expect me to just accept that not one of them will lead to my happily ever after? Let me give you an example of a particularly unfortunate series of events that happened to me this week, and I’ll point out all the unrealized opportunities for a meet-cute throughout.
A few days ago, I was studying on Sadler Terrace and eating a bagel from Bake Shop when a bee started circling me. After many unsuccessful attempts to gently shoo it away, the little bully landed on my hand and started shaking its booty. I wanted to avoid getting stung at all costs, so I jumped up and blew it away, an ordeal that caused me to drop my pen. This was, of course, an opportunity for meet-cute material to pick up the pen for me. Nope. I picked it up myself and, in the process, dropped what was left of the top half of my bagel on a table. There was no potential love interest in sight with a handful of napkins. As I moved to clean up the table bagel alone, the remainder of my bagel slid out of the parchment paper in my hands and onto my pants. Covered in veggie schmear, I let out a sigh of exasperation only to notice fresh bird poop on the sleeve of my sweater. I wish I was making this up. Anyone who saw me shamefully carrying a balled-up Cleftomaniacs crewneck to the laundry can attest to the truth of this embarrassing event. And, might I add, there was no soulmate waiting around the corner to offer me their jacket after my own sported a splatter of avian fecal matter. Bummer.
My point? Anyone can turn anything into a meet-cute. In that two-minute sequence of mishaps, there were at least three clear opportunities to do so. Plus, it’s almost too easy to come up with good, or at least mediocre, pick-up lines. Like, when I dropped the bagel, someone could’ve said, “I guess that bagel and I have something in common: we both fell for you.” Or when bird poop got on my sleeve someone could’ve said, “Oops, looks like that bird got your arm. Can I get first dibs on your heart?” Dear reader, you are worthy of someone who can turn your misfortunes into memorable quips. It’ll be worth the wait. And now, time to turn to the question of the week, which is as follows:
“Pick-up lines. Give me some, please.”
I guess this question is more of a request, but I’m okay with that. It got me thinking about the lack of campus-specific pick-up lines at the College of William and Mary. There is so much material to work with, and people aren’t doing anything with it! Fear not. I’ve compiled 10 of my best Eva-original William and Mary pick-up lines below. Feel free to use them liberally.
1. Are you the Halal Shack wait time? ’Cause when I look at you, I see forever.
2. You must be an easy COLL 200 NQR the way I want to add and never drop you.
3. Wanna know what you have in common with Kim Van Deusen’s Step class at the Rec? You both make my heart pound over 180 bpm.
4. A tour guide asked me what my favorite part of the College is. I said, “It’s you.”
5. If our relationship were a transcript, I’d pay $7 to the University Registrar. It’s time to make us official.
6. I think I might be turning into a campus squirrel, because I’m nuts about you.
7. William and Mary? More like me and you.
8. Call me your Williamsburg Wawa the way I’m here for you day or night.
9. I know the College was ranked as having the friendliest students in the U.S., but I want to be more than that with you.
10. Are you the ice cream machine that Dining Services moved from Sadler to Caf? Because I’d walk the extra mile for you.
See? A little situational specificity goes a long way. I’m confident that you will be successful with these. Try them out, and let me know your favorites. Better yet, come up with some of your own. One day, when you’re at the altar getting William and Married, you’ll have me to thank. So I’ll leave you with an anticipatory “you’re welcome.” See you in two weeks.
